stacybear-1's Diaryland
Diary
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\"fallen gently\"
NOTE:.. this diary is dead and gone... if you wish to spend my last days with me, you can come over to GRRLDONTCRY.DIARYLAND.COM and keep me company.....
"here's to dreams"
.. everything is quiet... it has never been more dead...
.. you took the rest of me when you walked out the door... the very little that i had left.. it's gone...
.. i never imagined my future without you... and eventually, i could no longer imagine my future at all... i needed something to keep me in place.. something to look forward to...
.. a life with you.. a happy one.. you were the only one in my world... the only reason i had to get better... the only thing that kept me breathing every day while i was lying alone in my bed...
.. i have never loved myself... i do not think it is possible at this point.. i hate myself to no end for what i made you do... i should have been better.. i should have been tolerable for you... i should have tried so much harder...
.. i try to search for the reason to stay here... the reason to get up in the morning and smile... the reason to look forward to a future... but there is nothing to search.. everything i had was with you...
.. i am feeling ashamed... i am ashamed that i do not love myself... ashamed that i have let you and everyone else down... ashamed that i have become a failure in your eyes.. ashamed that everything that i had ever dreamed has completely vanished...
.. i know in my heart that there is nothing left... who could ever take your place? who would love the person that i have become?
.. did you know who i was before i met you? always wondering, who's it gonna be? who's gonna steal my heart away? and when you entered my life, i knew... i just wanted you.
.. and still, i always knew that i would lose you... because of this.. because of the person that i am... the person that i hate...
.. you are my best friend... my only friend... the only person i was ever able to feel comfortable with... where did you go?
.. you were all that mattered...
.. please don't think about me... i want you to be happy from now on... but know, in case you ever have any doubt, that i do love you... and let's just leave it at that.
.. i fell gently.
1:48 am - 13 January 2003
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